bigger than me...bigger than her

dear bear,
did i tell u that i already entered that weight managing program in USM.
now, i go to USM everyday to jog or exercise.so this is wat happened the first day i got there.

first, i got to timbang berat , and guess wat ? turun satu kilo...yyeaappiieeyyyykidiyyea..
suke sangat..yea la kan ,selame ni main sumbat je ape2 pon.tup2..turun jugak sekilo..praise to Allah for hemade all this happened and possible and i am just a humble hamba ( dah cari dah kamus camne nak spell servant ..tarak jumpe..hehe..you know me).
and on my way back to the jog track , i met a sis around 28 , 4 kids and still marry to a man which we all call husband. then, she stop and ask me to wait for her.So, i did..what do you expect? im a freshie..that moments later, we rush to the park and walk around the god dammid big golf field..
she is bigger that me and i really do not wish to be like her ..never and nauzubillah la kan..
she told me of how she became that big ( mind me for saying that but what can i do..maybe we just change big = b while fat = f ), till when she became b and f , and she evencually told me and few new people her weight which is hundred over and something with no shame at all , she is so friendly and warm that i am no longer awkward there or fell so bad `bout myself and my fat

the points is there..she may be bigger than me but her heart , courage , self confidence , and self esteem are way bigger than herself. and that is way kak mazlin, i look up to you and i salute you for making others glad `bout themself and put shame in my butt for feeling so bad `bout me self.
I LOVE MYSELF ( and love me more at the weght 60 kg )..hehehe..
bye bear..

aim/target:the greatest asian chef ever

i hate doc!!

okey..
that`s it
after all of the perasan thing,i admit that i am obes
weight=86.9
tall=160 points something
today we went to the obes unit in USM where there`s a prog for those like me
i do not bother any crap happened in there ...until it comes to the doctor
dr.shah something
he said that bla..bla..bla..change way of thinking and life style..bla..bla..
ok .fine.i accept it..InsyaAllah i will gain all my strengh to make my own dream success altought i dont talk about i much..frankly speaking..i hate to talk about the topic.
but that doesnt mean that i do not want to be slim..
i just do not talk about it..
ok..the methaphore is like this..how many times you talk about the enemy u hate the most in your entire life but stuck to you since forever like a twin?
ok...sorry2..back to the doc thing

he said : sekrg ni cuti , buat aper?

me said : tak de paper.Dulu ade gak keje sekejap

he said ; emm..buat2 la keje rumah ke..sapu2 sampah ke..tolong2 mak.tak leh duduk saje je..(pandangan sinis cam aku ni pemalas dunia nak buat keje umah sampai jadi gemok cam badak)

i said in my heart with a loud enco : lahabau nyer doktor!!ko ingat aku gemok aku tak buat keje umah ke?hape..org gebok ni sume pemalas ke?ewah2 wesss..wei!!aku buat la keje umah tu..tak payah ko kasi tau..ade die kate aku malas buat keje umah..kalau die suroh jogging tak pe gak..ni suruh tolong mak buat keje ruma?..what the hell??!!hey..even sahor family i pon i yg buatkan ...thank u..buat2 keje rumah konon...blah la lu)senyum biase je..

and let me make this clear..the kata nama is he
mak..aku marah bangat!! n malu..:p
make things worse,when he accually ask me to pull my tudung up..means pull the tudung aside without showing your hair
and i did the opposite..i pull the back tudung up and there goes my stupid , idiot,ugly ,monster-like hair..MALUUU..
god...
save me from total shame made by myself!!!

aim/target: asian greatest chef

cuti & planning

1. jual nasi lemak - weekends special
2. duit bahagi pada komik store,slimming programme,kelas masak
3. buat popia sardin
4. kemas rumah
5. masok kls erobik

wrong me!!

i used to be clumsy all the time
ruin everything in near me accidently
i also got two sisters that care most about me and my life
they all know i always broke things,made wrong action for wrong command,lousy and careless
to be honest, i`ve broke my brother`s mp3 and lost my sister`s camera
but the thing is i try so hard to change my self..fixing me
i guess they never saw it or they just pretent that i does not improve myself in being more less careless
it is today that my sister ask me to push the wire to the pipe.i agreed to help.then,just before i touch the wire she said three times ' oo..becarefull..dont break the wire..oo..no..you cannot to that,it`s gonna break the thing'.then i gave up and walk away..
there is more..everytime i am about to go out or went somewhere else , or she`s going to home to her house she would say ' stay away from trouble ' with a huge laugh..
you might laughing,sis..but i hate it
seriously hate it.. anyway,who wants to be in trouble
the sentence would make me keep thinking that i might do some mistake if i involve in anything
it`s crushing my confidence
im scared ro participate in any programme that i might make something stupid accidently and ruining everything for everyone...
i became a negative person
cant they just see that i tried so hard to pull my self from making mistake?
that is so hard , u know..
it`s like walking on a bridge where you have to be very carefull or u might fall and finally..a dead body
i guess i do lot of improvement..i dont often broke or lost thing
but we are human too..we are created to make mistake
everytime i made mistake..all the good things i`ve done before like vanish in the air
they just gone..as if i never do things correctly before
'oh,it just the old adik'
hell,no!!! i try my best to be new
but even a newborn made misakes..
they just dont get it..
they are blinded by the fact that i am the youngest..i knew less about life
well think again...

word+voice=soul assasins

i got everyone telling me ' oh, si anu tu dah berjaye dah turun berat badan die, how about you?..'
my god!! it`s like killing my brain..ok, i admit that my weight is like 70++ and that is the worst.
i got face full of acnes and the scars , very bad bodyshape that i do not dare to face the crowd..
why people around me seem and look so perfect anyway?not that im questioning how unfair my life compares to other(that is bad,aida...very bad!!) , i just wondering..how it feels like being beautiful,slim and dreamed by all man..just wondering..
i try so hard to be known as a tough and sporting girl that nothing on earth that can make me feel bad about myself..but then,i`m wrong about myself..i judge myself wrongly and i really regret it for i hurt my heart everytime with my pretending..
i got a friend(a guy friend) from high school..i joke about my diet programme that i need to be slim so that i can attend our reunion with other classmate happily..but than..his words just struck to my heart and made me sad and think hard over the day..he simply said ' what for slimming yourself, you will be rejected by anyman of our school,anyway ' ommangod!!!
that`s hurt..it`s not that im hoping that they are going to be my hubby ( never pop up from my mind.serious!!)..it just that how ugly my face and my shape are that i turned into big monster to them? i just wish that they gonna given a wife size double than mine (hhahahaha.just thinking bout that make me feel sooooo happy and calm).
then,i made my self clear that eventough you are so strong and no word can hurt you,that does not mean other people are like you too.watch your mouth!!

aim/target:asian greatest chef ever

again!!!

this is the third time im creating a blog...
hehehehe..what to do..almost everytime i manage to creat one, i tend to forget the password or evenworst,the username..i dont know where are the other half brain of mine gone and leaves me patheticly forgetfull ( i even forget how to spell 'forgetful' whether it comes with single or double L).this is not the first time i got into this trouble.i always forget things .have you ever been in this situation where you went to a place and when you reach there you end up forgetting why the f**cking hell are you doing there? .it happens to me everytime!!
i keep losing and forgetting important things in my life..god,would i ever meet mr.remembering?
but thinking back `bout those who are alzhimer(whatever its spell) or facing brain damage , i realize how lucky i am..at least i still have a fine half brain that help in my good-for-nothing history subject..life is not that bad,huh?!

aim/target: asian`s greatest ever chef